Is My Child Losing Confidence - Or Just Overwhelmed?

You’ve noticed something’s changed.

The fire seems dimmed.The bounce in their step? Gone. They seem quieter. More withdrawn. They second-guess themselves. And maybe they’re saying things like, “I can’t do this.” or “I’m not good enough.”

Or the one that breaks your heart… “I don’t even know if I want to do this anymore.”

And naturally, your first thought might be: “They’re losing confidence.”

But here’s something important to consider: Is it actually a confidence issue - or are they just overwhelmed?

The Difference Matters

Confidence is about belief in your ability. Overwhelm is about being emotionally overloaded - regardless of ability. And in many young athletes, overwhelm looks a lot like lost confidence:

• Avoiding training

• Overreacting to mistakes

• Sudden outbursts or shutdowns

• Saying “I can’t” before they’ve even tried

But if we assume it’s a confidence problem and try to pep talk them through it - without addressing the overload beneath - we risk missing what they really need.

What Overwhelm Looks Like

Here are some signs that your child may be overwhelmed, not necessarily lacking belief:

• Their calendar is packed with training, homework, games, and zero recovery time

• They’re experiencing pressure from multiple sources (coaches, parents, peers, themselves)

• They’ve lost joy in the sport they used to love

• They’re showing physical symptoms: poor sleep, appetite changes, frequent illness or fatigue

• They’re sensitive to even the smallest setbacks - snapping, crying, giving up quickly

Overwhelm shrinks their emotional capacity. It makes everything feel harder.And from that place, even the most confident child will start to doubt themselves.

The “Try Harder” Approach Backfires Here

When a child is overwhelmed, telling them to “just believe in yourself” or “get your head in the game” won’t work. It often adds more pressure - and more shame - for not being able to “fix it.”

They don’t need a louder cheerleader. They need a calmer presence. Someone who helps them slow down, breathe, and feel safe again.

What Can You Do?

Here’s how to support a child who seems like they’re losing confidence - but might just be emotionally flooded:

1. Pause the Push

Back off performance pressure and allow space to reset. Ask open questions like: “How are you feeling about sport at the moment?” “What part feels hardest right now?”

2. Validate, Don’t Minimise

Avoid phrases like “you’ll be fine” or “don’t be silly” - even if they come from love.Instead validate their feelings by saying something like: “It makes sense that you’re feeling this way.”

3. Help Them Reconnect With Joy

Take the pressure off for a bit. Remind them what they love about their sport. Maybe a fun session, or a break from intense competition.

4. Model Emotional Regulation

Your calm energy gives them permission to calm down too. When you manage your emotions, you show them how to manage theirs.

The Big Takeaway

Confidence can be rebuilt. But overwhelm has to be relieved first.

If your child is emotionally overloaded, your role isn’t to “fix” them. It’s to see what’s underneath the behaviour… and help them come back to a place of safety, belief, and choice.

Do You Need Tools to Support Them?

This is exactly the work I do - I help parents understand their child’s inner world and support athletes to build emotional resilience and mental fitness.

Explore my parent strategy sessions to start creating more clarity - for both of you.

Because when we stop guessing and start seeing, that’s when everything begins to change.